Product 'Placement' #2

Following my very favourable stint advertising a towel, I'm here to explain why a certain new brand of potato chips would do you a lot of good. And just like the towel, each segment of each chip will have different components of flavour, healthy ingredients, and even the not-so-good parts which will destroy your bladder but which will make you feel good in the fifteen minutes following your indulgence.

a) It is crisp to perfection. Everybody loves the crackle of a potato chip when it is bitten into, or heck, even the crispiness of a french fry or the thin crust of a pizza. Something so delicate cannot be compromised, and the width of a potato chip* is found to be measuring between 0.20 and 0.25 mm.

*results of test conducted on one full bag of chips, serial number SE541##21, in daylight hours, and with micrometre screw gauge, with remarkably good precision.

b) It is flecked with oregano, garlic (0.12% by weight), chilli, and five-spice powder. Talk about fancying an international cuisine!

c) Exotic ingredients have been used to make this product. Don't crib at the markup price. Here are the difficult situations researchers have gone through to extract these ingredients:

  i) engaged in a showdown with a Nepalese yak (to obtain yak tears)

 ii) bought a very expensive Bugatti Veyron for chasing the fastest bird (for Perigrine Falcon's droppings, 1.21% of weight)

 iii) battled the mimosa pudica for hosts of insects (this was just for fun; our researchers are also esteemed zoologists)

You have to admit this is an impressive record.

d) Finally, this is the breakdown of a single potato chip:

Now you wouldn't say no to this, would you?

Enjoy.

What Has the World Come To?

In the 20-odd days I took for Blogger break, the world has changed in a variety of unspeakable ways. How could these things be allowed to happen?

1) If you go to Google images and type 'p', this is what comes up first:

Damn you, Autocomplete!

Really, is the world developing such distasteful interests out of choice or boredom?

I'd rather check Images for pizza or even Periodic Table. (PS: Pink?! What is the world thinking?)

Shame on you, Population. Shame.

2) Again, if you type 'g' in Google Images, you get:

But with 'b', there's no 'boy'. This is what one calls horrible population distribution, and the best way to explain the skewed gender numbers in India.

But then again, we also had news like:

(quoted directly from BBC)

'A cross between a Chihuahua and a Chinese crested has had the dubious honour of being crowned the World's Ugliest Dog 2011 in a competition in northern California.

The winner, Yoda, was found abandoned behind an apartment building, and her owner says at first she thought it was an overgrown rat.'

Goodness. Yoda may be ugly (both of them), but the things people do for their pets... Remarkable.

So, to get away from all this pain and misery, here is this piece:

	U2 - U2 - Mission Impossible Theme .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

And don't you tell me you don't like it.

The best part about this song is that you don't even have to imagine yourself wearing black overalls and snooping around restricted premises trying to steal something. No, you can just simply enjoy the music by itself and wonder to yourself when they stopped making such songs.

5 Annoying Things Worth Doing Intentionally Just to Infuriate People

Yes, the answer to everyone's deepest question is here. These are fairly easy to execute and are the perfect consequence of raised spirits. What's more, they may well be normal everyday scenarios, so you won't have to go out of your way to do them.

#1  A SMack

Taking a scarily long time to finalise the order at the front of a self-service booth line.

# 2  Trial Sentence

Keep on trying clothes, harrying both the waiting crowd and shop assistants, and never coming out of the trial room, finally buying nothing at all.

# 3  Bludgeons and Blabber

Distracting keynote speaker with unrelated tripe. Of course, it's better to be in the back rows and have a loud voice.

# 4  Keep the Change

Fiddle for change at the front of the line. Enough said.

# 5  Esca-late-or

Taking your time to step onto the escalator when you know there are scores behind you waiting for lunch.

It will need (almost) no practise too.

(PS: My first post using a scanner. Just saying.)

Product 'Placement'

I'm here to *ahem* advertise a towel. No? Who'd pay me? Why would I? Well, here's the deal: it's a nicely multipurpose towel, and here's why....

a) The towel is handy for any mutant fight, be it a physical tussle or mental:

    i) For a physical tussle, the thick fibres of this Turkish towel withstand any amount of force -- pulling or flinging -- which is within 1750 Newtons.

    ii) For a mental battle, draping this towel like a shawl over your shoulders exudes considerable amounts of charisma, wit, and logic.

b) The towel protects you from mishappenings or confrontational events: Whenever faced with a situation, cover your head with the towel, such that your whole face is covered. Since your brain does not register what it does not (and cannot) see, you will be safe.

c) This particular towel is, if you noticed, slightly thicker on the edges. The reason this is so is because there are health capsules and drinks hidden around the perimeter, and each serves a different purpose. All you have to do is gnaw it off at the right spot (explained in detail in the manual).

d) The material is soft and fun and does not tickle, so there is no reason why you shouldn't have it.

(No guinea pigs or humans were harmed in the making of this towel. All said they enjoyed the experience.)

Happy Towel Day to anybody who cares and/or understands. (I'm a day too late.)

DON'T PANIC.


The post is dedicated to Douglas Adams.

Monoblogue

Post me.


Oh, PLEASE post me. No, really.

I'm missing it. I'm missing the fame, I'm missing the lights, the show, the drama, the surprises... I'm missing everything.

It's been what, two days since this absolute fool of a woman - who thinks she's very smart in the first place - posted me, and after some really long (but not tedious, mind you) debates and discussions with dear ol' Blogger, I have finally decided to post myself.

It was getting too much, you know? And it's not that I'm an attention seeker or anything, but... You know what I mean. *obvious nods*

Just look at me. My beautiful beige body. My flashy fonts, my countless and colourful colours!


I am beauty defined! I am skill personified! I am the Halt Ahead of Turbulence itself!




And now come the long awaited Random Musings of my Lost Soul:


Polyvinylchloride.

Temporary disorder of the intestines can lead to stray misconceptions, ego clashes, and thermionic emission.

Fleeting woodpeckers give dirty glances to passers-by solely due to the movement of tectonic plates. Peck.

And finally, randomness isn't really as nonsensical and random as it appears, given that it's random; almost how an inexpert dancer decapitates himself on an inert garlic bread.

Go figure.