Fare-Weather

[Note: The FAQs will explain why the pictures are so lame.]


I ran into someone a few weeks ago -- someone I was apparently supposed to know, but information on whom had been conveniently concealed by my wily brain, which likes such opportunities where I can embarrass myself.

So there I was, 'shopping' for books in the outlet at the mall, where this lady -- who most definitely wasn't -- came up and made my acquaintance. 

'Hey!' she squealed, 'Long time no see!'

I think she attempted to hug me, but I smartly dropped the book I had been perusing upon the floor. Muttering apologies, I bent down to retrieve it, promptly giving her a headbutt in the stomach.

The title of the book I dropped?

'Oh my, I'm so very sorry,' I said sincerely. But she merely shook her head and sat down on a nearby couch, clutching her stomach.

Here I must describe her. She had short dark hair and a mouth foaming with lipstick, and a pileful of earrings in both her ears (the latter part is important; you can never be certain these days).

Her lipstick wasn't exactly black, but, well, it looks better this way anyway.

Had I ever known her? Even if I had, I would never have expected her to reenter my life in such a dramatic fashion. I blinked rapidly as if I were in a daze, and my surroundings cleared appreciably.

'How have you been?' I asked, trying to enter the one-sided conversation.

'Great,' she said through almost clenched teeth, 'Just great.'

 

Is this what clenched teeth look like? I can never tell. Hers weren't like this, though.

Here we reached a pregnant part of the exchange. But I thought I could break the ice. For once.

'What,' I began, 'were you doing here? Looking for books?' This was difficult to say because of two reasons:

a) she was indeed looking for books and it would have to be a genial, I-really-want-to-know tone, or

b) she wasn't much of an avid reader, and wouldn't be looking for books, and it would have to be a sarcastic, I-can't-imagine-you-doing-that tone.

And since I was supposed to know her, I HAD to know whether she liked to read. So I employed a best-fit, a mix of the two.

Thankfully, she did not see through my trick (well, I am an expert), and promptly replied, 'Well, I am! Can you believe that?'

This made it easier, so I quickly flashed her a what's-wrong-with-you glance, then said, 'Not on your life! What are you searching for?'

Now I'm going to switch to a drama script (it is so much more organised that way):

Lady: Oh, Priyanka, you wouldn't believe it! You know that new job of mine?
I (vigorous nodding): Yes, of course.
Lady: Well, this teaching business is getting quite difficult.

[Ah! At least she divulged something!]

Ignore the trapezoid shape of the blackboard. It is a new design, still under construction.

I (mock despair): Oh. Why so? 
Lady: Well, to be honest, I think I'm barely qualified, don't you think? (winks)
I: Oh, come on. I'm sure you're very passiona --
Lady: And I don't even like the frigging subject!
I (desperate to change the subject): The pay is good?
Lady: It's excellent! That's why I'm doing this in the first place.
I: Well, that's great then.
Lady: Absolutely! Let's see how long I la --
I (hasty interruption): So that's why you're here? To look up something that will help you with this?
Lady (horrified): God, no! What made you think that?
I: Er --
Lady: I'm just here for the latest supplement of Vogue!

[This fit in with what I had predicted about her, so I was deathly pleased.]

I: Ah. No surprises then.
Lady (shocked): Really?!
I: Er -- I mean, um -- well, it's not, er, that much of a surprise, you see?
Lady: How did you guess?
I: Guess?
Lady: Yeah!
I: Guess what?
Lady: That I finally got over my hate of Vogue and now I read it with Elle!
I: I could just make out by -- er, the --
Lady (appraising look): You do remember a lot about me, don't you?
I: How could I forget? (nervous yet expert laugh)
Lady: Come on, now. I know we weren't exactly best mates, but wow! And look at you (shrieks) -- changed so much!
I (tries to conceal amazement): Really, now?
Lady: Of course you have. Look at yourself, When I knew you you were always concerned -- so much -- about your hairstyle. And now you've finally let yourself go! (polite laugh)
I: Eh?

She was talking as if my hair looked like this. I'm positive it was much better.

Lady (continuing unabashedly): And your clothes! Now --
I: Excuse me? (unsuccessful attempt at harsh look)
Lady: Yes! What happened to our cute skirts and shorts and frilly girly wear? You're wearing jeans!
I (looking down as if to confirm): Yes, indeed, I am.
Lady: Well, that's great, in a way.

[By now I was, again, itching to change the topic.]

I: How absolutely spiffing to see you though!
Lady: Oh! You never liked the word spiffing either!
I: You got that right.

It had become tediously clear I did not know this lady, and -- what was more -- she did not know me. At all. I was just about to wedge in a polite 'Do I really know you?' but just then she turned and shrieked yet again.

'Candles!' she enunciated. 'Pink, scented candles! Just look at this!'

Should I have been excited about this? 

Or this sign alongside?

How did she know my name, though? We couldn't have been friends when we were younger:
Keyboard class? No.
Karate class? Nope.
Drama class? Hmm...

I didn't remember befriending anyone so closely as to know their Vogue and Elle fears or their scented candle preferences. But I must have known her. Simply must have.

I decided to use the alphabet method to jog up the good old memory, as she crooned over handmade baskets (fine, yes, they were beautiful, but I had bigger fish to fry).

A: nothing
B: nothing
C: no...

I almost said 'D' out loud as she showed me an interesting interwoven piece.

But 'E' I did manage to say.
'What?' she said sharply.

'Eek,' I said, pointing to a lady behind her who seemed to have no bad fashion sense whatsoever, but still someone I felt inclined to comment on under the circumstances, especially judging by my company.
'Eek,' she agreed, 'That is such a last-season tunic.'

Tunic? Wasn't that an ancient Roman clothing garment?

E: no
F: of course not
'G' was the lifesaver. Why? Not because I got her name.

A healthy diversion arrived in the form of another lady, just as the first one was showing me something (I forget). The New Lady spread her arms out dramatically. Not another one, I thought.

But I needn't have worried.

The New Lady took the Old Lady in a hearty embrace. Now what?

'What have you been up to, you old dog?' TNL asked OL. 'Sorry, I'm late, it's already 5.30...'

And then it fit... TNL was wearing pink tights and a shiny wide rubber band that was thicker than her hair, which was tied up neatly and nicely, and a bracelet with her name -- MY name -- on it.

'Who is this, by the way?' she pointed at me, not even giving me the faintest of smiles.

OL caught my eye and smiled. 'Oh, just a fellow shopper...'