An Indian Local Transport Epiphany

Everyone must doubtless have heard stories and/or seen pictures that depict the famous local trains of India. Now here's the thing about them: all of them are at least partly true.

People do hang out of trains during peak hour. They do not sit on top of them, fortunately.

Buses are more peaceful. But here again, the noisy chatter of the vehicles outside really upsets the deal.

In any method of public transport during peak hour, this is what you'll see (and apologies for the crude image):

 Random objects and human parts

In the same vein, this is a list of rules that should be followed by a newbie in the ILT (Indian Local Transport) field.

1) Expect major odour issues.

Whether you're standing up or have got a place to sit, you will be surrounded by the complete lack of hygiene. Brace yourself and always carry portable handwash.

2) Master the Art of Reservation.
In a train, it is absolutely mandatory to ask (and answer when asked) a person when they will be getting off. This is done so that you can 'reserve' the seat  for yourself when the passenger gets off (assuming you will get down any stop after his). This process requires a lot of skill and tact. You have to have the knack of picking the correct person, and then get to him before anyone else can.

3) For some reason, this is never done in buses. Here they follow a first-come-first-sit principle.You have to be nimble and enterprising.

4) Beware in buses. There are about 35% of seats reserved exclusively for women. Now assume a male has no place to sit except in the ladies' section (buses always have two-seat groups). He will sit. But about 70 percent of them will not shift when the males' section seat clears up, and will continue to obstinately latch on to this special seat, until someone (politely) asks him to please get up and get the hell lost.

5) This is for you if you're a 'foreigner', especially female.

I had one on my bus today. This poor lady had all the commuters watching resolutely. Everyone was minding their manners though. All eyes flew up when she got up to disembark. Once she was gone, all of them started laughing like madcaps and basically just threw sheets to their manners again.


Indian transport will (sigh) remain like this for a long time. But then again, it is still a big ground for minute observations and people-watching.

(PS/Disclaimer: If I have scared anyone, please understand this whole piece was a bit of exaggeration. A bit.)

Follow Me...

No, by 'follow me' I don't mean for you to follow my path of laziness. I mean for you to follow my blog. You see, I want to be a writer, and a supermarvellousamazing one at that. I don't want to be a ruddy journalist, or work in advertising, or be a news reporter. I want the real deal (yes, you may say I'm a dreamer).

For that, I need to be famous on the Internet. Okay, okay. I know it's as far-fetched as the idea of someone idolising George Bush. (It may be easier to revere a plank of wood.) But I need a decent bit of followers.

However, you only need follow if:

a) You visit the blog often and seem to like it, or

b) You visit the blog often and don't understand a thing, which well means I'm smarter than you by a long shot, or

c) You visit the blog often and think I'm absolutely bonkers.

There you go.

And now, as reward, I give you:

Lentil cappucino.

Ugh.