I Endorse the Serial Comma

Plain and simply, that means I use a comma before 'and' in a list.

This means I'd rather write a sentence this way:

'Rhino horns, orangutan hair, and french fries are all rather delicious.'

instead of eliminating the comma after 'orangutan hair.'

We've all been taught in school that this is wrong, and that it's possible we'll die a gruesome, elephant dropping-related death if we do use it. But personally, I love the serial comma. It's the saviour in a bucket of mud.

Here are the technical bits now. 'and' used between two words can signify a group. If we talk about bread and butter, or the famous fish and chips of England, it's a group -- bread and butter go together (even though you can have it with jam and mayo and what have you). It's a tradition.

So you won't write 'I had milk, bread, butter, and cornflakes for breakfast.'
In this case, you'll group up the bread and butter and write 'I had milk, bread and butter, and cornflakes.'

But that isn't the only reason. It's not just the matter of how confusing 
'France, England, Bosnia and Herzegovina'

sounds to the layman. Without the serial comma after 'Bosnia', it's impossible to deduce if someone is writing about today's collective 'Bosnia and Herzegovina' country, or whether they're referring to the pre-World War times, when Bosnia and Herzegovina were two separate provinces.

No, the main power of the comma is in the organisation. The multiple commas in the first few elements prepare us for a list, and getting a cold 'and' with no comma is very heartless.

Now examine the aesthetic value of these two sentences:

The dog ate my homework, shorts, catapult, computer, remote-control and spectacles.

                                                VS

The dog ate my homework, shorts, catapult, computer, remote-control, and spectacles.

Not only does the latter avoid the grouping up of the remote-control and spectacles (they aren't even similar objects), but it also looks more in control of the traumatic situation. (If you disagree, may the heavens help you.)

Commas are not always pleasing to spot, especially in the case of three-line long sentences, where the sentence is so long you lose track, and ultimately, tired, you attempt a slow step-by-step breakdown until you come to terms with its meaning, implications, and sheer cleverness.

But you can't deny that the comma after 'implications' gave you an aesthetic pleasure that can only be brought about once a sentence ends.

The serial comma, ladies and gentlemen, is the hero of the day.

Of course, semicolons are a bit better than commas, but unfortunately there is not much opportunity to use them; they're a slightly complex punctuation.

An Indian Local Transport Epiphany

Everyone must doubtless have heard stories and/or seen pictures that depict the famous local trains of India. Now here's the thing about them: all of them are at least partly true.

People do hang out of trains during peak hour. They do not sit on top of them, fortunately.

Buses are more peaceful. But here again, the noisy chatter of the vehicles outside really upsets the deal.

In any method of public transport during peak hour, this is what you'll see (and apologies for the crude image):

 Random objects and human parts

In the same vein, this is a list of rules that should be followed by a newbie in the ILT (Indian Local Transport) field.

1) Expect major odour issues.

Whether you're standing up or have got a place to sit, you will be surrounded by the complete lack of hygiene. Brace yourself and always carry portable handwash.

2) Master the Art of Reservation.
In a train, it is absolutely mandatory to ask (and answer when asked) a person when they will be getting off. This is done so that you can 'reserve' the seat  for yourself when the passenger gets off (assuming you will get down any stop after his). This process requires a lot of skill and tact. You have to have the knack of picking the correct person, and then get to him before anyone else can.

3) For some reason, this is never done in buses. Here they follow a first-come-first-sit principle.You have to be nimble and enterprising.

4) Beware in buses. There are about 35% of seats reserved exclusively for women. Now assume a male has no place to sit except in the ladies' section (buses always have two-seat groups). He will sit. But about 70 percent of them will not shift when the males' section seat clears up, and will continue to obstinately latch on to this special seat, until someone (politely) asks him to please get up and get the hell lost.

5) This is for you if you're a 'foreigner', especially female.

I had one on my bus today. This poor lady had all the commuters watching resolutely. Everyone was minding their manners though. All eyes flew up when she got up to disembark. Once she was gone, all of them started laughing like madcaps and basically just threw sheets to their manners again.


Indian transport will (sigh) remain like this for a long time. But then again, it is still a big ground for minute observations and people-watching.

(PS/Disclaimer: If I have scared anyone, please understand this whole piece was a bit of exaggeration. A bit.)

Follow Me...

No, by 'follow me' I don't mean for you to follow my path of laziness. I mean for you to follow my blog. You see, I want to be a writer, and a supermarvellousamazing one at that. I don't want to be a ruddy journalist, or work in advertising, or be a news reporter. I want the real deal (yes, you may say I'm a dreamer).

For that, I need to be famous on the Internet. Okay, okay. I know it's as far-fetched as the idea of someone idolising George Bush. (It may be easier to revere a plank of wood.) But I need a decent bit of followers.

However, you only need follow if:

a) You visit the blog often and seem to like it, or

b) You visit the blog often and don't understand a thing, which well means I'm smarter than you by a long shot, or

c) You visit the blog often and think I'm absolutely bonkers.

There you go.

And now, as reward, I give you:

Lentil cappucino.

Ugh.

The World Population's Average Age is Reducing

How do I know? I'll tell you how.

Users have come to my blog for the past one week only courtesy my Driving Licence post (I'm not even going to provide a link; see, there it is, in the 'Best Ones' table).

In fact, Google says the searches were dominated by 'turn right', 'to turn', and 'turn right traffic sign'. And hence were directed to the picture I had taken off Google Images. And that yielded visitors from (excluding India itself) -- wait for it -- Indonesia, Thailand, Philippines (and some more; almost all southeast Asia countries), Brazil, Colombia (a few South American), Australia, the UK, and USA, plus Mexico.

Now this observation surely means that more people want to see this particular sign. But why? Are they preschoolers wanting to inculcate some civic sense? Now that is good news.

Some may argue these visitors only want the picture, maybe for some project. But then that means all of them are writing about roads and traffic signs and driving.

It also means that Google has acknowledged my blog as a force to be reckoned with, and has promptly included it in popular searches.

But the question remains: My dears, why did all of you want to turn right this week? And why did you ask Google for the answer?

Product 'Placement' #2

Following my very favourable stint advertising a towel, I'm here to explain why a certain new brand of potato chips would do you a lot of good. And just like the towel, each segment of each chip will have different components of flavour, healthy ingredients, and even the not-so-good parts which will destroy your bladder but which will make you feel good in the fifteen minutes following your indulgence.

a) It is crisp to perfection. Everybody loves the crackle of a potato chip when it is bitten into, or heck, even the crispiness of a french fry or the thin crust of a pizza. Something so delicate cannot be compromised, and the width of a potato chip* is found to be measuring between 0.20 and 0.25 mm.

*results of test conducted on one full bag of chips, serial number SE541##21, in daylight hours, and with micrometre screw gauge, with remarkably good precision.

b) It is flecked with oregano, garlic (0.12% by weight), chilli, and five-spice powder. Talk about fancying an international cuisine!

c) Exotic ingredients have been used to make this product. Don't crib at the markup price. Here are the difficult situations researchers have gone through to extract these ingredients:

  i) engaged in a showdown with a Nepalese yak (to obtain yak tears)

 ii) bought a very expensive Bugatti Veyron for chasing the fastest bird (for Perigrine Falcon's droppings, 1.21% of weight)

 iii) battled the mimosa pudica for hosts of insects (this was just for fun; our researchers are also esteemed zoologists)

You have to admit this is an impressive record.

d) Finally, this is the breakdown of a single potato chip:

Now you wouldn't say no to this, would you?

Enjoy.