Farewell, El Nino.

(NOTE: This may be hard to follow if you don't follow football. However, I guarantee you'll be able to follow the insults.)

So most seemingly loyal people end up being shuffling scamps. Case in point: Fernando Torres, who left Liverpool to join Chelsea. Lick my boots, dear sir.

(off Google)

These ones, to be precise.

After Matt Busby and the more offensive Michael Owen, this is what must be done to these traitors:

1) Subject them to Andy Gray's torturous tripe for five straight hours. No pie breaks.

2) Place a blanket ban on all shopping they (and their wives) must undertake.

3) This is for the players, and not their wives: No appointments to the manicurist, waxer, and hairstylist (this applies specially to Torres).

4) All fan following on blogs, Facebook, Twitter et al et al et al et al et al to be suspended.

5) Clever, insulting songs to be composed and sung by the team's fans at the next FIFTEEN matches after the player leaves. Of course, this is easy only if the team in question is Liverpool.

And to end it with a flourish, here's insult with class...

(stolen verse)

His armband proved he was a red, Suarez Suarez.
You'll never walk alone it said, Suarez Suarez!
He bought the band from a lad in Spain.
Tall and blonde, forgotten the name.
Luis Suarez -- Liverpool's Number 9.